'We've never left.'
49 days have not yet pass after she left. That's a folklore belief of the timing that the dead left this world. I wonder where she is now, constantly. My life goes back to normal rather fast, as if there's no time for grieving, no need for hesitation or any heartbreaking statement. I felt sad from time to time. All of us do.
It's probably because of the normality of everyday life that make us sad.
We talked about her, sometimes. I guess that the way she lives. 'We've never left. We're always here, in your mind.'
Cliche, but it explains a lot.
When I thought of her, most of the time I felt sad and then confused by my own sorrow. I wonder if it was grief of 'she's not here anymore', or simply self pity of being deserted. It remains unanswered for quite a while.
She was in my dream once. All I remember after I woke up is her weak smile. She's sitting in a chair with everyone. She's there, right there. And this fact, though lasting for a really short moment, makes me feel secure. As if she's never left.