圖書館奇想之一 chimera in library

我一直都很想要出一本攝影集，主題是「那些在圖書館裡沈睡的人們」。只要我有一隻攝影功能不差（不像我現在這隻鏡頭破裂）的手機就可以了，取材基本上很方便，估計一天隻要花十分鐘跑幾個樓層，一個星期下來就有一本攝影集了，應該可以搜集到各種各樣的睡姿和不同的群集。

但我每每想到要在拍完之後搖醒那些睡著的人，「抱歉，我剛剛拍了你（橫躺著）睡覺（流口水）的照片，可不可以把你的肖像權授權給我呢？」

這工程實在太浩大了。

I've always wanted to publish a series of photos of 'the dozing people in library'. It would be great fun. All I need is a smart phone with a mediocre camera (anyone would be better than the current broken-glass one). I am assured that the library I go to unquestionably would offer me endless sources of objects, including all sorts of gesture of dozing, sitting, nodding, snoozing.

But it troubles me when it comes to authorising. I guess I had to ask everyone of them to say yes to my photos.

Whatever.

非模範姐妹

我有一個妹妹和半個姊姊，還有一個人人皆知的模範弟弟。

不過模範弟弟的存在感莫名的低弱，倒是這一個半的姐妹隔著海陪伴在我身邊，走過很多低落的時刻。

我想念妳們。非常想念。

說是妹妹但是其實比較會照顧我，說是姊姊但是沒有血緣，總之，是姐妹。

我知道思念的溫度往往被相隔的距離中和到冷清但是
沒有你們的時候某些場面
才是真的冷清

我想念那個在你面前肆無忌憚大哭的房間

你除了皺著眉頭手足無措以外

事實上確實幫不了什麼忙

我全身顫抖的時候知道

你在身邊

雖然黑暗仍然籠罩

但你在

什麼都不用說

確確實實的

你在

我想念壹零壹燈火底下的山丘、啤酒和便利商店
你霸氣的笑容和眼淚
手一揮就讓全台北安靜不動
逞強是你身體的一部分
你知道我未必明白那些職場的愛情的腐敗但是
我們都溫柔地看待


我想念那個我瘋狂大笑的狹小車廂

你除了以不可思議的神情看著我

事實上你也難以忍住想要

跟我一起大笑

你是難以取代

花樣年華

昨天晚上看了王家衛的花樣年華，好想跟梁朝偉站在路邊，一起吞雲吐霧。

這其實是以那個年代看很文藝，以這個年代看卻頗假掰的電影，但我還是在看到三分之二的時候大哭了。非常喜歡。就跟村上春樹和獨立音樂一樣，據說王家衛也是文青必備，照著麼說，我就是個老文青了。老文青耶。真是一點都驕傲不起來，想起來特別搞笑。

張曼玉穿著旗袍的身影真是讓人忘記呼吸的美，梁朝偉和他的招牌憂鬱恰好襯著那套毛呢西裝，王家衛的每個鏡頭都像畫一樣華麗。他們都是漂亮人物，畫報裡走出來似的夢幻，卻得在美好的年代迎接盛年的尾端，毫不留情的被遺棄，幸好他們相遇，而且相知。我喜歡這樣的故事，因為同樣的夢幻不真實，一輩子的刻骨相思卻殘酷而寫實。

a surge of wistfulness

有時候我會想念那個可以跟我無所不談的好朋友，也會回想為什麼可以從某個瞬間開始兩個人可以變得像陌生人一樣，再也沒有辦法溝通。

擁有一個可以對話的朋友，是如此困難。

嘿那唯一的、珍貴的，還有被遺棄的，對不起我傷害了你。


Dear stranger,

I miss you so bad these day for a rather selfish reason. As time goes by I get to realise how hard it is to find a soulmate and to be connected. Sometimes it pains me when pondering why everything began to go wrong. But there's no turning back. 

If our love is built on your condescending, then let sorrow and loneliness be my punishment.


寫於很久很久以前。

十年 in memory of a decade

其實跟陳奕迅這首ＫＴＶ經典十年也沒有太多關係，只是想起進大學那年。

2003年，也就是十年前的暑假，沒有太多感覺的展開了小大一無憂無慮的人生。

宿舍生活、約會、期中報告、期末考、中友會、團體討論、田野調查、XX之夜、家教、打工、準備考試，之類的。回憶起來大概就是這一類的堆疊，噢，我變得好沒有耐性。

十年一瞬間。

雖然我依舊一事無成，但我想，一部分的我應該有變成一個比較好一點的人，然後心智有稍微成熟一些，也許。


2008年的時候我開始寫blog，今年第五年。

從一開始的小心斟酌一字一句，到現在把碎嘴也放上來。我想我也變得比以前懶散了。


Since when I began to measure time in decades?
My university year started in 2003, 10 years from now. And the first article of this blog dates back to 2008, when I was studying in London. Gee. Time flies. So cliche so cruelly true.

I thought of all the timing of many things. Such as the year I installed MSN messenger in the family PC so that I could talk to my first love. That was 2003. 6 months later I was in the university dorm and have my first PC installed many more software to connect to the world. I bought myself the first laptop at the fourth year, paid by the government (with the fellowship of a shitty dissertation).

It probably was because of the breakup stress and the anxiety caused by heavy workload of MA assignments that I started to murmur on my blog. And now it's been 5 years, half of a decade, and I started another two, one to work on my novel writing out of a longterm depression, the other to keep track on the numerous films I've watched before. Good to have things written down, in public or not.

I used to be rather particular about wording on the internet. I used to hate smoking. How things have changed.

搭配論文食用的家常菜

I haven't cooked for quite a long time and I just found out this blog article I wrote when I was in London. Gee. Four years already.

I did treat myself alright. 我把自己餵養的不錯啊。

-----
這些是上個學期比較常吃的東西，作法大致上是「把所有東西切碎之後丟進去煮一煮」這種超懶超簡單的東西，但畢竟是煮來自己吃的，所以勉強還行（還算可口）。

奶油火腿義大利麵

炒米粉

豪華早餐：燻鮭魚生菜夾土司

炒麵

咖哩飯

糖醋蝦仁（一類的）

wedding craze

Seriously I don't quite understand why so many brides spend so much time on planning their wedding that many of them even start blogging and sharing their experiences.

Later when I was preparing the GRE, I sort of get the idea: after you put so much efforts and time time on something you take seriously, the first thing you would like to do is simply tell everyone how much you've dedicated to it.

I was there when my best friend's wedding photos were taken. It's actually a exhausting tiring process to wear a wedding dress of layers and pose under the sun in the mid summer time. It took a whole day to complete. There are a photographer, a hairdresser (and makeup artist), an assistant (taking a large suitcase with loads of stuff including flowers and a bunch of coloured ballons) and a van driver. The van drove around the city to take wedding photos. It took at least 8 hrs to get everything done.

I suppose most of the brides (and sometimes grooms) around the world plan their own weddings in person. Indeed their are planning planners and companies of this sort, but the charge is generally high and most wedding couples think it would mean a lot if they actually are involve in their own wedding by organising every detail. Also, some think the wedding planners are for the riches. I supposed this could be the same in many other countries. Taking part in the planning from choosing dress to tasting cakes. Every couple want their wedding to be special and unique and the perfect.

That is also why, according to my friend, "wedding" is a magic word. Anything related to or used in wedding, its price could double or triple. After all, it's 'once and the only' and the most important moment in everyone's life.

I certainly know the cultural, social and even anthological meaning of a wedding. Still, it is pretty amazing how they could afford so much time and money when it comes to planning a wedding. I guess that also explains everyone (female in particular) usually remember their wedding in details.

世道

不知道為什麼下了這個標題，但是看到一些莫名其妙的事情老是滿滿的填塞在我的臉書上，就像天太熱起了疹子，臉上擦了不合適的保養品發癢難耐。

那天遊行我也去了。那天我不發一語的很多話。

什麼該做的什麼不該做，我只是去湊熱鬧讓自己別那麼難受。

然後隔天又看到這個強者我朋友辦的一個活動，「愛情人際社會學」工作坊。真有意思。

愛情、人際、社會學？

雖然沒有被把到，但這傢伙確實很會把妹，這一點我可以背書保證。不過這些字詞放在一起倒是有些昭然若揭的虛偽，讓人覺得不是很痛快。