Sunday, 28 October 2012

slowly turn


週日晚上坐在路邊吃著剛從台北火車站買來的水煎包,熱辣的我嘴唇發燙。來往的車水馬龍從左到右,衝向某一個或多個方向。owl city已經變成老歌的fireflies說有時候真的很難相信地球正在慢慢轉動。以每秒0.46公里的速度,每個人都在移動。而且還沒有聲音。creepy.

回台北的車上我將手機的錯誤日期調了過來,28日,今天是週日,不是週日。所以昨天已經完全的結束。

時間不可逆,不會重來,也不會倒退。


就跟人與人之間的情感和曾經有過的信任一樣,在緩慢龐大的時空移動下,破碎的髒污的腐壞的發餿的我想要修補的,都一樣回不去。

那些昨天。

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

perfume

My sister's back from Canada, finally.

She was unpacking and sorting all the stuff in her closet. "Did you take away my Kate Moss perfume?'

"I did." I made a face, out of a tiny little bit of guilt that I took the liberty of using it while she's away.

"It smell good and sexy, doesn't it?" she seemed to be quite all right with what I've done. That's strange. We used to get into a tiff or miff every time we're in this kind of situation.

"I think it suits single lady perfectly",  she replied with a sweet smile. "Keep it. I don't need it anyway." .


Was I just patronised?

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Fun Do Bookstore


Another little independent bookstore near the university is closing down. The last open day is 11th Aug, this Sat. The poster says that they can no longer afford to run the bookstore for the rising rent and decreasing book buyers.
Years ago when my mother and I were strolling around the neighborhood after dinner, I suggested to go to a bookstore nearby.


"No. I don't have my purse with me," she said."That's quite alright," I don't think it a convincing reason not to pay a visit. "We could just hanging around there".


"No. I've got to take some books home every time I go to a bookstore," she insisted. "Otherwise they're gonna be out of business". 

What she did not tell is that, this would break her heart. Until today she still thinks to certain extent she shares responsibility of the closing down of "New Schoolmate Bookstore" nearby.

I'm just a poor student so I don't 'invest' into book business like mother does. All I do is borrowing books from the library instead of taking them home. However watching bookstores one by one shutting down their business breaks my heat as well. 

It pains me to imagine a city without bookstore.


台大後門那家「販讀」要關門了,就在8月11日,這個週末。他們說因為成本不敷考量,所以無法再撐下去了。


我想起以前跟張媽媽吃飽飯後一起散步時的對話。「諾貝爾書店就在附近,我們去看書好不好?」張媽媽說:「不行,我沒有帶錢包出門

。」「沒關係啊,去看看書就好。」


「不行,去書店一定要買書,要不然他們會倒。」張媽媽堅持道。

他沒說的是,書店倒了以後她會很傷心,就像多年前崇德路上的新學友

,直到現在她還是覺得新學友做不下去他有一點責任。


我比較窮,相對比較沒有責任感(?),但是無論如何,看著書店關門真的很令人傷心啊。









The best of us

The best of us can always find happiness in misery.
I really like the lyric from the Fall Out Boys' 'I don't care'.


It says a little bit about me. I can always find happiness in my own misery. I guess I am very much like a child in this light, for kids have no idea what misery is, all they do is try to have fun even when they don't really enjoy what they're undergoing or something annoying.

I'm in the middle of preparing the GRE so I spend most of time studying in the library. I'm prepare on my own and I don't have a comrade. Sometimes I don't have to talk to anyone other then the buffet clerk and my roommates. I have to admit loneliness is killing me at some moment. But it's alright. When having my lunching and dinner alone in the university refectory, I imagine myself invisible and then just observe the crowd and find someone particular and then start to fabricate stories for them.

The logical reasoning of the GRE is pretty troublesome. I find it rather depressing at the very beginning, but then I began to find pleasure in those readings. I could be an investigator in the cases! Although they're not as fun and thrilling as homicide or gun fight, I am happy to be the 'truth digger', revealing the ulterior intentions of the venal companies or reputing the prejudiced surveys conducted by the interest groups, struggling on behalf of the justice and order.

Another important part of GRE is its writing. It takes me a long time to get know that one has to be equipped a wide range of common sense and background knowledge to write a 6 score (the highest) essay around 1000 word count. For a non-native speaker like me, to be use impeccable wording without grammatical errors is a challenge in the first place, let along langue facility. Nevertheless, I still tried to find happiness in the painstaking task. After reading a couple of sample essays, I felt like I'm taking lessons to 'fight with pen'. The 'fallacy in argument' sections, in particular, makes me more aware of the understated assumption or unconvincing correlation behind every specious contention. This feels cool! Either in English or Chinese, I find it beneficial. As if I trained my self against evil with the super power of spotting the unusual.

As a history student, math is pain in the ass. Nine out ten history major would tell you they chose to study history because they're not good at calculating and geometry and algebra and that sort of vexing stuff. Even though I'm a 'supposedly-good-at-math' East Asian, and everyone in this country would tell you 'GRE math is so easy that you don't even bother waste time preparing for it', I got dispirited by the results constantly. So I started from scratch. It turned out to be not as hard and tough as I expected. And learning things that I used to know in a new way is rather fun.

I guess I just enjoy learning new things or pick up interesting stuff on the way, easily got inspired by others' ideas, and I take every challenge as a game.

See? I can always find happiness in misery. That's what keeps me going on.

Sunday, 29 July 2012

讓我一醒來就流淚的曾太太



今天早上醒來,喉嚨好痛。打開臉書,我的大學好友說,她剛剛戴上戒指,準備成為曾太太了。


我好開心,忍不住激動得哭了。
曾經看著她戀愛、失戀痛哭、難以割捨、在愛情前猶豫、再度陷入愛情、幸福、兩個人一起規劃未來。


看著這麼好的女孩經歷這些,我也曾經跟著她難過、氣憤、擔心。那男孩出現後,我慢慢確定她被好好的呵護著、疼惜著,我想我可以相信那傢伙。


我愛你,好姐妹。我為你開心。





Wednesday, 11 July 2012

wedding photos

昨天和今天的三十八度八快要灼燒我的眼球。

參與拍婚紗是一件很奇妙的事情。不知道從什麼時候開始可以每週在臉書上看到的不同場景的不同姿勢的不同色彩的朋友的朋友的婚紗照,那像是形式化的過程在我的好朋友身上,我看到幸福。即使是三十八度的高溫下依然可以相視而笑的幸福。真好。

好熱。

昨天晚上睡前傳了個簡訊給我的室友,告訴她我很希望可以看到她幸福的穿白紗的樣子。人生苦短,我希望看到她多數的時間是幸福的不是忍耐着硬撐著的。

今天在圖書館遇到雅文,剛剛恢復單身的她說她會努力在一年內閃婚,我說好吧可是我怕地點不在台灣我參加不到。好吧無論在哪裡我都會到。她穿婚紗的樣子不知道為什麼不會難想象。她血液裡本來就有貴族的養分。

上嘉的話可能會被那一層一層的裙子淹沒。

艾爸何時跟芷寧結婚呢?我也很期待。

I take it as a privilege to become part of the wedding photo shooting of my friend Vivian. Although the weather is unbearably scorching and sultry. 38.8 degrees under cloudless sky. 

To be honost, I was rather cynical and, probably a bit acidulous about her marriage at first. I guess I was just afraid that I might lose one of my best friends forever. 

But all my doubts casted away when I saw their happy face during the photo shooting. Despite the hot weather, tiers of wedding gown and restless posing, they could just smile, effortlessly, at each other. 

I am happy, with all my heart, for her,

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