Thursday, 13 December 2012

insurance of what?

"If I Die Young"

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh well
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,
There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (oh, uh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

It's been annoying to say no to the insurance seller, especially when she's a friend. She was my English tutor when I was in college. She's very nice as a friend, yet rather aggressive as an insurance seller. What actually annoys me is actually not her manner but the nature of insurance itself. Those companies would brainwash their sellers, telling them that they're helping people to get prepared for the future. That's a lie.

They're selling fear. Simple as that. 

Tuesday, 27 November 2012









Tuesday, 20 November 2012






Sunday, 28 October 2012

slowly turn

週日晚上坐在路邊吃著剛從台北火車站買來的水煎包,熱辣的我嘴唇發燙。來往的車水馬龍從左到右,衝向某一個或多個方向。owl city已經變成老歌的fireflies說有時候真的很難相信地球正在慢慢轉動。以每秒0.46公里的速度,每個人都在移動。而且還沒有聲音。creepy.





Wednesday, 17 October 2012


My sister's back from Canada, finally.

She was unpacking and sorting all the stuff in her closet. "Did you take away my Kate Moss perfume?'

"I did." I made a face, out of a tiny little bit of guilt that I took the liberty of using it while she's away.

"It smell good and sexy, doesn't it?" she seemed to be quite all right with what I've done. That's strange. We used to get into a tiff or miff every time we're in this kind of situation.

"I think it suits single lady perfectly",  she replied with a sweet smile. "Keep it. I don't need it anyway." .

Was I just patronised?

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Fun Do Bookstore

Another little independent bookstore near the university is closing down. The last open day is 11th Aug, this Sat. The poster says that they can no longer afford to run the bookstore for the rising rent and decreasing book buyers.
Years ago when my mother and I were strolling around the neighborhood after dinner, I suggested to go to a bookstore nearby.

"No. I don't have my purse with me," she said."That's quite alright," I don't think it a convincing reason not to pay a visit. "We could just hanging around there".

"No. I've got to take some books home every time I go to a bookstore," she insisted. "Otherwise they're gonna be out of business". 

What she did not tell is that, this would break her heart. Until today she still thinks to certain extent she shares responsibility of the closing down of "New Schoolmate Bookstore" nearby.

I'm just a poor student so I don't 'invest' into book business like mother does. All I do is borrowing books from the library instead of taking them home. However watching bookstores one by one shutting down their business breaks my heat as well. 

It pains me to imagine a city without bookstore.








The best of us

The best of us can always find happiness in misery.
I really like the lyric from the Fall Out Boys' 'I don't care'.

It says a little bit about me. I can always find happiness in my own misery. I guess I am very much like a child in this light, for kids have no idea what misery is, all they do is try to have fun even when they don't really enjoy what they're undergoing or something annoying.

I'm in the middle of preparing the GRE so I spend most of time studying in the library. I'm prepare on my own and I don't have a comrade. Sometimes I don't have to talk to anyone other then the buffet clerk and my roommates. I have to admit loneliness is killing me at some moment. But it's alright. When having my lunching and dinner alone in the university refectory, I imagine myself invisible and then just observe the crowd and find someone particular and then start to fabricate stories for them.

The logical reasoning of the GRE is pretty troublesome. I find it rather depressing at the very beginning, but then I began to find pleasure in those readings. I could be an investigator in the cases! Although they're not as fun and thrilling as homicide or gun fight, I am happy to be the 'truth digger', revealing the ulterior intentions of the venal companies or reputing the prejudiced surveys conducted by the interest groups, struggling on behalf of the justice and order.

Another important part of GRE is its writing. It takes me a long time to get know that one has to be equipped a wide range of common sense and background knowledge to write a 6 score (the highest) essay around 1000 word count. For a non-native speaker like me, to be use impeccable wording without grammatical errors is a challenge in the first place, let along langue facility. Nevertheless, I still tried to find happiness in the painstaking task. After reading a couple of sample essays, I felt like I'm taking lessons to 'fight with pen'. The 'fallacy in argument' sections, in particular, makes me more aware of the understated assumption or unconvincing correlation behind every specious contention. This feels cool! Either in English or Chinese, I find it beneficial. As if I trained my self against evil with the super power of spotting the unusual.

As a history student, math is pain in the ass. Nine out ten history major would tell you they chose to study history because they're not good at calculating and geometry and algebra and that sort of vexing stuff. Even though I'm a 'supposedly-good-at-math' East Asian, and everyone in this country would tell you 'GRE math is so easy that you don't even bother waste time preparing for it', I got dispirited by the results constantly. So I started from scratch. It turned out to be not as hard and tough as I expected. And learning things that I used to know in a new way is rather fun.

I guess I just enjoy learning new things or pick up interesting stuff on the way, easily got inspired by others' ideas, and I take every challenge as a game.

See? I can always find happiness in misery. That's what keeps me going on.

Sunday, 29 July 2012






Wednesday, 11 July 2012

wedding photos








I take it as a privilege to become part of the wedding photo shooting of my friend Vivian. Although the weather is unbearably scorching and sultry. 38.8 degrees under cloudless sky. 

To be honost, I was rather cynical and, probably a bit acidulous about her marriage at first. I guess I was just afraid that I might lose one of my best friends forever. 

But all my doubts casted away when I saw their happy face during the photo shooting. Despite the hot weather, tiers of wedding gown and restless posing, they could just smile, effortlessly, at each other. 

I am happy, with all my heart, for her,

Thursday, 28 June 2012
















Monday, 25 June 2012


I am just grumbling. 

There's a fine line between perseverance and obduracy.
 And apparently I live in the confusion of the two. by Yi

Studying for GRE is a total nightmare. When I started to memorize the vocabulary by sorting and collecting all the related ones, I actually thought it was fun. It's a bit quirky but I do enjoy learning new vocabulary and I take this as a good chance to learn English in a new light. But then here comes the real test. I felt so despondent after failing series of questions...

I feel like I am back in the 18-years-old days, but in a miserable way. That was the days when I spend more than 8 hours in the class, another 8 hours on taking all kinds of exams and tests. It's painful, hideous and becoming daily grind.

It's ironic that the first vocabulary on the GRE word book is "ABANDON". I am on the edge of giving it up every day. But somehow I manage to get myself back in to the game. No one says life's easy. 

I am obdurate in many ways. I chose to take GRE, study oversea European history, and, apply for a PhD regardless of my diffidence of ability and uncertainty of the prospect of future academic life.

Great, now I'm applying the GRE vocabulary in my writing! How good is that! Now I see why there are so many blogs and sites about personal experience of preparing GRE. It takes so much effort and cause so much frustration that it becomes indelible in one's life. 

Monday, 18 June 2012


This is probably the only comfort in my uneventful life lately.

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

New title, old life

I quit last months. The reason is simple and clear: I need time to prepare my application and a full-time job just won't do it. So after clearing up the mess, completing the process of resigning, I took a few days off in Taichung and then, restarted the old life as a student (I wish I can call myself an independent researcher...), and a tutor!

Everyone loves student life. Being a student somehow means being young and free, bunches of time to do whatever you like to do. That would be exactly what I felt in the very first five minutes stepping into the lib and picking up the books which I should have finishing reading months ago.

Then here comes a surge of panic. A couple of days being unwell and sleepless. Then I got to know that it is the pressure of being jobless, without identity and money.

Luckily I always find a way to deal with it. Negative feeling usually won't last for a long time and I move on, even though I have not yet get rid of the ugly truth of uncertainty of an academic career for the rest of my life.

And I finally got a tutor offer to pay the rent! That's a good start. Now I have to work harder on my proposal and have a more specific plan and stop mumbling here.

加油!I can do it!

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

she's in love






damn it. 

If you break her heart, I'll break your legs. 

Friday, 6 January 2012






我想著在都市生活其實是一種姿態,帶著傲慢自恃的那種,city dwellers老早就拋開國界,用城市與城市之間的距離去度量世界。即使台北不過就是世界上某個發著微光的角落而已,即使聞不到紐約的自由味兒、倫敦的歷史味兒、東京清爽的古怪味兒,作為一個城市,他還是有一種味道。


in memory of the 7th or 8th years as a Taipeier

Thursday, 5 January 2012

my sister

從那寒冷北國加拿大Whistler 打來的越洋電話是這樣的:





Tuesday, 3 January 2012

the missing half

It took me quite a while to go back from the parking lot to the office for the lost glove.

Again, I never found it. Probably dropped on the way, somewhere.

Sometimes I really hate paired-up things, gloves, socks, and, gloves. I guess I have more than 5 gloves which the other half is lost. I felt sad when I look at them.

As if the existence of the left ones is a mistake.


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